Do you ever have those moments?  Those moments in life that you just wish you could freeze?  Have you ever had those times in your life when you're doing something, whatever it may be, and all of a sudden you realize that it's all going to be okay?  That you're on the right path?  That what you are trying to accomplish is worthwhile and is the best thing you can be doing with your time to serve other people?  That there's someone looking out for you?

I tend to doubt myself when it comes to my life and my choice to forge towards an orchestral career.  I begin to think of the many things that stand in my way.  I think of all of the effort that I have put forth already and then think of all the people that are still better than me.  It's tough when you know you struggle with nerves.  For me, it's the stage fright.  I tend to be able to nail things in the practice room and then when I get on stage, I choke it.  The beginning of this year's session has been terrifying in that regard.  With so many big percussion parts in our section, I've been nervously awaiting my chance to play some of them with the orchestra.  With us getting together so quickly I haven't had the time to really digest the music before being thrust into rehearsal where I need to nail it.  I felt pretty uncomfortable in the first week of rehearsals finding myself playing timidly and tending to always be worried.  That being said, the maestro and the orchestra are wonderful.  I mean, when reading nobody is pointing fingers.  I mean, my part didn't go any worse than anybody else's part.  But knowing that doesn't stop you from not wanting to let them down or from giving yourself a hard time.  We're musicians.  We were born to succeed the first time.  Or at least try to....  And so I found myself leaving rehearsals frustrated with myself and deflated.  I felt like I wasn't good enough and hadn't practiced.  

Then, it happened....

I was sitting in a faculty concert and listening to a piece for violin and cello by a lesser known Soviet composer named Reinhold Glière.  A guy I don't even know.  I mean, I've heard of him so I sort of know him.  Let's just say we're not on a first name basis or anything.  I was exhausted and frustrated and so I just closed my eyes.  The second movement came and went and I was stunned.  It was certainly one of the most moving things I've ever experienced.  Steve Sitarski and David Hetherington made one of those moments for me.  Everything was going to be okay.  Somehow...I just got it...and life....it all made sense.  Afterwards, I thought some more about it and realized that these moments, these lifelong moments, were everywhere.  Why?  

Because this place...this orchestra...it makes those moments.  

They're all over the place.  Whether at a concert and inspired by a virtuosic clarinet, basset horn and piano trio or listening to the strings in the Andante movement of Mahler 6, I begin to realize why I'm here.  I've found more moments while listening to the faculty tell us stories and encourage us during the round table discussioin.  It is so easy to see their love for this music.  My friend Corey and I were talking about why we love this place so much and it's because the faculty are so excited about their passion themselves.  They so badly want to share their love for music with us that it just works by osmosis.  They are people that encourage us to follow our dreams and to share our joy with other people.  Isn't that wonderful advice?  And it means I'm also much more comfortable in orchestra....because I don't have to worry.

Sometimes these moments occur away from the music.  I was walking by the river on our day off and again found myself in the beauty of this world.  Blue heron, rushing water, nature standing still.  It was so peaceful.  I began to realize how lucky I am to be able to play music and to have this opportunity.  These moments are inspiring and they cement in my inner being that my career choice is going to turn out to be okay.  In fact, I have come to the comprehension that I experience these special moments so that I come to an understanding of how I can create them for other people.   

I could go on about the many more of these times that continue to remind me about the beauty of this thing we call music.  But the short of it is this.  This place is invaluable not only because it gives us the technical training and repertoire insight but because it reminds us of who we are and it teaches us purpose, fuels our passion and inspires us to touch people's lives with what we care about so much.

Can it get any better?